It was made very clear to me tonight (and the message came through loud and clear) that I am doing too much. My phone got stolen tonight while I was at Joanne's shopping for more supplies for Braysen's birthday party. I set it down or dropped it somewhere, and when I went back to get it, it was gone. I have no idea where I left it, but I know somebody took it, because sometimes when I call it, it goes straight to my voicemail, or rings three times first, or rings only once. I am so sad. My LIFE is in that phone! My calendar with all my important work meetings and cake orders. All my contact info. Email. Ugh. Not only that, my LISTS. I love lists! I have lists galore in my phone. Everything from "Grocery Store", to "Target", to "What I Still Need to Do for B's Party", to "Recipes to Try", to "Cake Ideas", and I can't even think of what else was in there. I make lists on my phone when I'm in bed. It helps me sleep when I can get the info out of my head and put somewhere where I think I will be productive with it.
One example of where my head was tonight, is that at one point during our shopping trip, I stopped the car in a parking spot and tried to get out while it was still in drive. My mom looked at me like I was nuts! I will point out, though, that I did turn my headlights off before I tried to get out! :)
This is not my first offense of leaving something in a store. I have been known to be in Target only to find that Braysen's snack cup is missing. I retrace my steps only to find that I set in on a shelf somewhere down an aisle where I was shopping. I have no explanation.
Or like the time that I threw Braysen's shoes in the trashcan.
I swear, I was not always such a ditz.
Point taken. I have too much going on. I don't think I will be doing cakes anymore. While this makes me very sad, I do need my sanity. I will continue with the cakes I have already agreed to, but no more new orders. I just can't. With an exception for Rhiannon, whom I owe a HUGE favor to! I'll explain why in a later post. Maybe once summer comes and I have a little more time I will pick it back up. It's just too much for a mama that works full time to be taking on so many ambitious projects.
I get asked often, "How do you do it?" That's the problem, I don't. I do a lot, but I wouldn't say that I'm doing it all well.
Not only that, some friends that I used to work with when I worked for SJUSD are going out to dinner tomorrow night, and I can't go, because Friday nights are when I complete my orders for Saturday morning. So my Friday nights are shot because I'm working on cakes, Saturday nights are shot because I'm usually so exhausted from staying up all night Friday to finish my cakes. Before I know it, it's Sunday and the week starts all over again. I think weekends are more chaotic for me than the weekdays are. My mom also made a good point, she said that if I didn't do cakes I could be spending more time with Braysen. In my defense, I do all my cakework after Braysen goes to bed at night. But, today, for example, instead of sitting at home this afternoon (after my school work day ended of course) waiting for an order to be picked up, I could have taken Braysen for a walk or taken him to the park or something.
I spend so much time baking and cleaning up my kitchen from, I could actually use this time to sleep so that I will be well-rested to spend time with Braysen in the morning. Now that I think about it more, I have continued making my cakes for such selfish reasons. For myself and myself only. We don't gain anything from it. I basically only charge enough to cover supplies for the next cake. I only do it because I enjoy doing it. But I am depriving my household, my sanity, my sleep, and my family by continuing with it.
That being said, I need to go finish my baking for tonight. I took on 5 orders for this week. 5!? Seriously? What the heck was I THINKING? I originally planned to do some personal baking this weekend and maybe some cupcakes for my students on Monday, but I think I will be officially baked-out. Thank goodness one cupcake order was already picked up today.